I grew up in a Christian family, going to church on Sunday mornings, sometimes Sunday nights and attended youth group on Wednesday’s then as we started our family our children were dedicated and we attended church regularly.  I continued to grow closer to God though I still wouldn’t say I felt his presence in my life regularly or had a deep relationship with him. Then our world came crashing down in 2009 when Mike was diagnosed with cancer for the 3rd time and we learned that the Melanoma had spread to his brain. That was the day that my faith went from something “out there” to something I relied upon and sought refuge within during the dark days and celebrated with during the bright days. I cannot explain what changed though what I do know is that God was present in our lives and he was with us throughout each treatment, test and result.

Throughout Mike’s 27 month battle with cancer I prayed contiously for God to heal Mike, and as he got sicker in those last few months I prayed God would work a miracle in our lives so my children could have their father as they grew up. I know we had all of our family and friends praying for this same miracle. Though God didn’t answer this prayer in the way we all wanted and Mike died September 7, 2011.  God didn’t answer my prayers though my faith was not shaken; in all honesty it was strengthened and I fell into God’s loving arms and reassurance each day when the tears wouldn’t stop falling or when I wasn’t sure if I could go another step.  I know this might not be true for you; you may have prayed for a miraculous healing, prayed your spouse wouldn’t die and like me God didn’t answer your prayers which caused you to fall away from God and lose your trust within your faith. I am praying that God continues to work in your life and you will draw closer to him in the coming year and feel the encouragement and strength.

God didn’t perform a miracle for my family at that moment though he has worked miracles in our lives before and many after.  It was a miracle that Mike lived 27 months when many others will a similar diagnosis were gone within 6 months.  I know that God made our path straighter for us throughout Mike’s treatment especially when it came to our finances. We both worked for some amazing companies that supported us emotionally and financially throughout treatment and me following Mike’s death. This was a miracle because I have seen people struggle through treatment financially. I also know that when Mike died God wasn’t even close to done with me yet so he gave me the courage, resilience and strength to lean into life, mentor widows and to find love again. This is a beautiful answer to my prayer even it if wasn’t the miracle I was praying for. Many times the miracle we are seeking is not the one we need. I am grateful to have the beautiful life that was born out of my loss; an amazing husband that loves me and I almost cannot put into words the depth of love I have for him, 3 additional children who test my resolve some days though my life would be dull without them and a life I am proud to call my own each day. I stood in church today and could raise my hands in praise because I have a God that sees my whole life and story even when I cannot and always answers my prayers in his own time and way.

What miracle are you praying for? How have you seen God move in your life even if it wasn’t the miracle you prayed for? I look forward to hearing from you and if I can pray for you during this time please connect with me.

Blessings,

Lyn

True gratitude takes place when we can love the life we have been given even when it isn’t the life that we had planned.

My first Thanksgiving of widowhood was extremely hard. I had 3 little kids excited about Christmas and family time and I had just “celebrated” my 11th wedding anniversary alone. I clearly remember sitting around my grandmothers table and thinking of our first Thanksgiving without my grandpa. She was a poised and resilient widow and I knew if she did it all those years before me then I could too. She’s been gone for 2 years now and I wish I would have told her how much her strength in her widow journey meant to me. She taught me how to be a beautifully resilient and to gratefully grieve long before I realized I needed to know it all.

My level of gratitude has grown over the years though it didn’t come without tears and mindfulness. The experiences throughout the years have been hard though each time I face what seems insurmountable I stop, listen to my heart because I know God is right there meeting me where I am at and giving me the strength and guidance to find my way through it. These moments and experiences have helped me to believe this is the life I was meant to live and I am grateful I was chosen to be given the gift no one wants.

We get to choose each moment, each day if we let our circumstances dictate our response or if we respond to our circumstances in gratefulness.

Will you choose to grieve gratefully?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lyn