As I celebrated my middle son “graduating” today from 4th grade and heading to middle school; I am also just a little sad about what memory this day will always hold too. I have had a few demolition days in my life, but this is the anniversary of a very memorable demolition day. Today 6 years ago Mike was diagnosed with a brain tumor and everything in my life that I knew fell down around me. I have heard before everyone is just a moment away from their knees and believe me that is the day that I hit my knees like I had never till then.
Music connects my heart and soul to what rings true in my head so today when I heard Nicole Nordeman’s song The Unmaking it rang true with my how I have turned this life changing day into a beautiful and amazing life but it took a lot of work to get here. There have been many days that I been unmade and life has fallen apart around me…all that was planned had to be changed. There is beauty in the breaking of the life that once was because now I can find the life that God had planned for me. Mike’s diagnoses was just the beginning of how God had to help me lose myself to draw closer to him. I was also reminded as her words rang true “Before each beginning there must be an ending” and my life as I knew then and even Mike’s life had to end before I could begin again. It was all God’s plan which is hard to understand when you are in the thick of it. As I look back now on this “anniversary” I can see the beauty in the story and the history.
May you find a song or two or even 100 that hold you up, help you find strength and courage to keep moving forward no matter where you are at within your journey in life. I would love to hear what song makes you sing at the top of your lungs in the car and even though it might make you cry does it bring you peace too?
Here is the link for Nicole’s music video – Enjoy! https://youtu.be/VQkHD15J7HI
One of the things that has come out of remaking of this life for me is writing a book about what it is like to be on the other side of the cancer journey as the spouse. Below is a quick excerpt out of my book, I hope to publish it someday, but right now it is for me and the kids and small pieces that I share with you.
The door slowly opened and a sweet, soft-spoken nurse came out and told us that the phone on the table next to us was going to ring and on the other end would be Mike’s oncologist from the Mayo Clinic. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to think about the next thing that was going to happen and how our world was going to be demolished in just seconds. The phone rang and Dr. Hubbards voice was on the other end and then clear as day she said “I hate to do this over the phone, but Mike you have a brain tumor”. I think I might throw up, I think I might throw up. God help me!!!
What are your demolition days and how have you turned the rubble into something beautiful?