The Ache

It started last week the soft ache that begins deep in my soul. It’s so faint I almost don’t notice it except during the quiet still moments. My heart know all these years later even before my brain does. This was the last week, these were the last days. Over the days the ache grows into the peak today; with a deep soul wrenching pain that only be honored and sat with. This pain cannot be moved on from and when tried it only deepens and threatens the future. Over the years I have learned for myself that I must honor the ache that began days ago to be able to live and love fully the other days of the year. I take this day for self care and I do whatever my heart and soul needs to honor what was and what was lost along with being thankful for what is present and what was born out of what was lost. I think of Mike everyday in some way – some days more than others though at this point I smile when I think of him and rarely are there tears with these memories. I am blessed with a beautiful life and I am grateful for everything that God has given me. Today even though there is gratefulness and happiness in my soul I honor the pain and ache that also resides there as I remember Mike.

I bring up this duality of loss to show that if you are grieving the loss of a loved one it is possible to find happiness in your life and honor those you love and lost. Also the range of emotions you have are completely okay. Don’t ever be ashamed to show your pain or your joy. If you support a widow in your life use this as a reminder that the pain and grief never goes away. It ebbs and flows over the days, weeks and years. Even as we learn to lean back into life we carry our loss with us and believe me we never forget. We are strong because God gives us that strength and honestly I wasn’t given the choice in the beginning to be anything but strong. Now I choose to show strength and resilience most days because I am raising amazing children who I want to remember their dad and live fully the life they have before them.

As I honor an amazing man today and allow the ache in my soul to be present I encourage you to love those in your life a little more. Bless a widow in your life with your presence.



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