Over the years I have been asked the question of “how did I manage to find love again” and sometimes people are confrontational enough to ask if “I ever loved Mike since I have been able to remarry”. I believe that I am able to love again because I loved so fully the first time. Mike & I had a relationship that some people dream about; he loved me beyond words and I know this because he always told me so and I lived for him, I loved him more than I loved myself. I often tell people that being married again is like having another child – your heart just grows bigger and still love the other just as much as before but differently.
Here is the quick back story for those that don’t know it – Mike was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2009 – this was his 3rd diagnoses from Melanoma. Our kids were 1, 3 & 5 at the time and he fought extremely hard and never gave up fighting but after 27 months, the cancer continued to spread and God called him home. I was introduced to Jeff in late November – less than 3 months after Mike died, by one of Mike & I’s dear friends who knew us both so well and also happened to grow up with Jeff. Honestly if you had asked me even earlier that day if I thought I was ready to date again I would have told you “NO” under no uncertain terms.
“God knows when our hearts are ready even if we don’t know it in our heads yet.”
I realized after a 3 hour phone call with Jeff that I would be okay to go out for dinner with him and get to know him better; it would be nice to be a woman again to someone that didn’t know me as “mom”, “the woman whose husband has cancer”, or “the 33 year old widow”; I was just Lyn. I read an article in the week after my 1st date with Jeff that talked about the “secret mission of getting me back” and it became my mantra at that time, because honestly it was everything I was thinking in my head. I didn’t want to dress up too much or look too sexy because I was a widow after all and I felt like I was cheating on my husband. I almost talked myself out of going on the date several times and that was just in the last few minutes before the babysitters showed up at my door. It spoke to me and after some serious hunting I found the link and have it posted below for you.
http://kriscarr.com/blog/dating-after-loss/
After a few dates, I found that I was smiling more, having fun and becoming me again, the me that I had lost when Mike got sick and died and WOW it was INCREDIBLE to find this person again – she is AMAZING!
I hope that this post gives you the courage to remember the person that you have always been, the person that got lost in your loss. Dating again isn’t for everyone and each person should take it at their own pace – don’t ever let anyone tell you differently, but maybe just maybe doing something you never thought you would do again will help you fulfill your secret mission.
Blessings,
Lyn
Jeff & Lyn St. Lucia 2014
RemarriedWidow 