I have never been one to worry much about my age; when my best girlfriends and I turned 25 and many of them felt like they were already getting old, I never thought much about it. Then when we turned 30 – I thought who cares life is great, I had just had my 3rd baby and I was feeling overall very happy with my life. Then I turned 36 this past May and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt this weight of sadness that sat on my chest and I couldn’t figure out why for several days. I realized that I would live longer than Mike at some point during this year of my life. I always knew that though just like everything else about being a widow – these moments come up when you might least expect it. Realizing that Mike will never be 37 just struck me and as the days passed I thought it would be interesting to learn what day I would actually be older than Mike. He lived to be 36 years and 247 days so when add that number of days to my birthday I arrived at today’s date – January 4, 2015.
I will be 36 and 247 days old on what would have been Mike’s 40th Birthday!
My personal Facebook feed has been filled with hopeful and almost overly positive thoughts focused on wanting to find 2015 better than the past year in a 100% different ways. It is natural to want the future to be better than the past, many believe that they need the new year to have a fresh start to begin. In reality you can take the small steps to change anytime you want! Mike’s death changed my life for the good and bad, though I chose to focus on the good and realize that it gave me the opportunity to change. Things are different because Mike lived and things are different because he died and I am different because of him. Now as I begin to officially live longer than Mike I choose to continue to embrace the change, live big, out loud and just for me!
As I wrote this I thought of a man I met last year; Phil Hansen. He spoke at my work conference and his thoughts on life and “embracing the shake” really stuck with me. You can watch his TED Talk below.
Mike will never live to be 36 and 248 days old so I have some amazing living to do for us both starting TODAY!
“What is perceived as bad things in life might be the best things that happen in our life…it is just how we look at it and if we choose…”
What will you do with the number of days of your life and how will you make them count?